For someone with ADHD, the early stages of a relationship can feel incredibly intense—just like with a psychopath or narcissist. Both involve love bombing, but for very different reasons. A psychopath or narcissist uses love bombing as a tool for gathering information, which they later manipulate and weaponise. In contrast, a person with ADHD simply wants to form a deep connection and get to know someone fully. This creates a dangerous dynamic where the ADHD brain, wired for deep emotional intensity and craving dopamine, becomes an easy target for manipulation.

I know this all too well. I was married to a psychopath conman who deceived me at every turn—lying about his identity, manipulating my emotions, and ultimately stealing everything I owned, leaving me in crippling debt. When I wrote The Psychopath, I had already come to understand that my empathy was one of the primary tools he used against me. But as I’ve learned more about ADHD, I’ve realised that it wasn’t just my empathy that made me vulnerable—it was my entire neurological makeup.

ADHD traits such as rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, hyperfocus, and emotional dysregulation make people like me, and so many others, particularly susceptible to toxic individuals.

How ADHD Traits Make Us Vulnerable to Manipulation

• Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD): People with ADHD feel rejection more deeply than neurotypical individuals. A narcissist or psychopath instinctively picks up on this and uses it as leverage. They create an environment where their approval becomes a powerful tool of control. When they withdraw affection or shift into manipulation, we instinctively chase them—not out of neediness, but because the pain of rejection feels unbearable.
• Impulsivity & Trust: ADHD brains tend to trust quickly and deeply, especially when someone showers us with attention in the early stages of a relationship. We struggle with seeing red flags in real-time because our impulsivity makes us react to emotions rather than logic. By the time we realise we’re in trouble, we’re already entangled.
• Hyperfocus on the Relationship: When people with ADHD are excited about something—or someone—we hyperfocus. That intense, all-consuming concentration means we invest in relationships very quickly, seeing only the best in the other person while dismissing potential warning signs. This hyperfocus can make it incredibly difficult to detach, even when we start seeing toxic behaviour.
• Empathy & Rationalisation: People with ADHD are naturally empathetic and tend to rationalise others’ actions. We don’t just understand why someone behaves badly; we often create excuses for them. We tell ourselves, They had a difficult childhood, They didn’t mean it, or They’re just struggling right now. We hand them an excuse before they even have to ask for one—giving them a free pass for manipulation and abuse.
• Dopamine Craving & Trauma Bonding: ADHD brains are wired to seek dopamine. Love bombing provides a massive dopamine rush, making us feel elated and special. But when that affection is suddenly withdrawn, it triggers a desperate craving for the high to return. This cycle of highs and lows creates a trauma bond, making it feel impossible to walk away.

Breaking Free & Protecting Yourself

Understanding these ADHD traits is the first step to breaking free from the cycle of manipulation. If you recognise these patterns in yourself, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or weak—it means your brain is wired differently, and that difference can be exploited by toxic individuals. But knowledge is power. The more you understand your neurodiversity, the better you can safeguard yourself from people who seek to use it against you.

If you have ADHD, or even suspect you might, learning about boundaries, emotional regulation, and how to identify manipulation tactics is crucial. Toxic people will always exist, but by recognising their tactics and understanding how our brains respond, we can take back control.

When I wrote The Psychopath, I thought I had uncovered the full story of how I had been manipulated. But now, as I dive deeper into the links between ADHD and vulnerability to toxic individuals, I realise there’s still so much more to share. I believe this information could save people from devastating relationships, and I am interested in researching this further.

To anyone reading this—know that you are worthy of compassionate, genuine love. Your neurodiversity does not make you weak. It makes you unique, intense, passionate, and deeply feeling. But it also means you need to protect yourself, because there are those who will see your openness as an opportunity to exploit you.